Wolverine XXX Got It Right…Mostly
It might seem odd for anyone who ever comes to this blog or even if it is your first time scrolling through and seeing what I have posted before that I would review an adult film (re: porno if you are confused) but there are three reasons why I wanted to talk about this one:
- In the interest of full disclosure, Vivid Entertainment sent it to me for free. I greatly appreciate free things.
- I am a sex positive open minded person that thinks that it is 2013 now and we should be way past this puritan bullshit by now (the rest of the world is laughing at us).
- Much to my surprise, the film stayed very true to its comic origins.
Before I get into it, I have to tell you that if you are expecting a blow by blow (pun intended) account of the sex in the film, you are going to be disappointed. If you want to know about the sex, watch the damn film! In all honesty and no offense to the film makers, but I thought the sex was a little vanilla. But that’s my thing and has nothing to do with the review.
Although he went to the Christian Bale School of voice acting, I have to give Tommy Gunn some credit. He makes a better than passing Wolverine. The build is good and he moves like you would imagine the character from the comics would move. In the few instances that he uses his claws, he uses them as extensions of his arms rather than bladed weapons that you would hold. He does well in the quiet, sitting times and in several shots, it looked they were lifted straight from the comics. Kudos to the director and DP on that.
What impressed me here is that the writers, Axel Braun (also the director) and Mark Logan created plausible scenarios that followed the characters origin and stories surprisingly well. The first being the portrayal of Domino. She and Wolverine have crossed path and blades on many occasions both as friends and foes. They have also been lovers, often violently so. In that, it makes perfect sense that she would ask Logan for help in one breathe and “betray” him by giving his sex acquired DNA to Stryker in the next.
The next part that impressed me was the nod to Wolverine’s time in Japan and his ill fated relationship Mariko Yashida. The portrayal by Asa Akira was spot on (right up to the point she began ravaging her handmaiden). The dialogue between Logan and Markio rang the truest in the whole film and again, the still moments of Wolverine mediating in the Japanese garb made me smile and recall the classic story. Including Rogue in this adventure also harkened back to her entrance into the X-Men and her proving herself to Logan. Plus Rogue did have something else happen during this mission.
The writing duo also answered the “late night at the bar of a convention” question: How can Rogue ever have sex? For those who don’t know the character of Rogue immediately absorbs the powers and memories of anyone she touches. The longer she touches someone, the longer the transfer and if she touches too long, the person will pass out and ultimately die. So even the most pathetic “two pump chump” is toast if he couples with the gorgeous Southern lass. Enter Deadpool, whose presence in the film I questioned immediately. It does, however make perfect sense that his wacky healing factor would not only negate Rogues powers for a while but would allow her to have sex with the Merc with a Mouth and Spider-Man, whose presence also made little sense on this particular endeavor. Spider-man and Wolverine do have a bit of a past history of teaming up, often to Logan’s dismay, but he really doesn’t work here. Other than as a sex partner for Rogue. I will say that the fight between Spider-man and Deadpool was impressive, unlike another fight that I will get into later.
While really good in spots, the film does have a few issues. And since we are on the subject of Deadpool, let’s start with his dialogue. While I know it is very difficult to portray crazy and talking to the voices in your head, especially behind a mask, Derrick Pierce played the character as way too deadpan. He should have been more manic and obviously arguing with himself, but he sounded more like he was reading a list of nonsense. I will admit to never liking the character, but even I know that Deadpool shouldn’t bee that dead.
There were a few characters that were more than a bit off. I’m not even sure why Charles Xavier was in the movie, other than to disapprove of the sex Rogue had in the basement and the sex that Logan and Phoenix had later. Also, no pun intended, Phoenix didn’t feel very fleshed out. Jean Grey is an amazing character and her complicated relationship with Wolverine is practically a film in itself. Here, she was barely more than a (s)extra. Also, even to obtain his DNA, I doubt Lady Deathstrike would ever have sex with Sabertooth. She is much more likely to slice his testacles off to get the genetic material than she is to have sex with him. And speaking of that material, and granted I know little to nothing about genetic manipulation, but what good is that DNA going to do when X-23 is already fully formed within that tank. Shouldn’t the material be introduced to an egg or at least a fetus? Sure the actress looked great nude in that vat of goo but does that make sense.
My biggest disappointment was the Wolverine/ Sabertooth fight. Evan Stone and Tommy Gunn are both large muscular men; why not let them be shown going at it a bit? The ultra close-up slashing and fairly obvious CG strikes were almost comical rather than raw and violent, which is what you’d expect a battle between these two to be.
Overall, I have to say that Wolverine XXX does something that pornos and parodies rarely do, respects the source material and the characters and if you eliminate the sex, still tells a pretty good story.