#27: Re-Write Part III - Killing Your Babies
Welcome back to the third and final part of my series of articles on re-writing. As I've said, re-writing is hard work, but it's absolutely crucial. Part I and Part II dealt with approaches to take for preparing yourself to revise your scripts. In this week's article, I want to talk about one of the hardest parts of re-writing: killing your babies.
Kill your babies, kill your darlings, whatever expression you want to use, a truism that all writers know: In re-writing, you're going to have to destroy a lot of what you've created. And many times, that may mean even cutting some stuff that you absolutely love. Maybe it's for reasons of pacing. Maybe it's because the scene stalls your story's momentum or doesn't quite work for the characters. This can be hard to do, but it's a necessary part of the writing process.
In an earlier column, I talked about the importance of steadfastly continuing to write and move the story forward. Don't have the perfect line of dialogue? That's fine. Throw down something cliche and move the story forward. Not sure how a fight scene should play out? No problem, write "They fight" and MOVE THE STORY FORWARD. If writers waited for every page to be perfect before they moved onto the next one, then no script would ever get finished. But this only works if you are committed to eventually coming back to the script and polishing and rewriting until your script absolutely shines. The trouble with "your babies" is that usually on their own or in the right context, they could be great.
Common "Babies" that might need killing:
The Baby: A particularly witty line of dialogue.
The Problem: That line doesn't jive with the character delivering it, and you're forcing words in your character's mouth rather than letting him speak naturally.
The Baby: An incredibly interesting fact or tidbit you've uncovered from your research that you weave into the script.
The Problem: It comes off as straight exposition, and reads more as a textbook or Wikipedia article than a work of entertainment.
The Baby: A humorous gag or dynamic action sequence.
The Problem: It doesn't move the story forward and stunts the flow of the narrative. Just because something is funny or a scene is good, doesn't mean in belongs in the script you're currently writing.
I'm going to share with you a baby I had to kill. This was an important scene from the first draft of Over. Given that my script is a romantic comedy, the beat is an important one- this is "the cute meet" scene, that shows how the protagonist, Felix, first met the girl he's still pining for, his ex-girlfriend Faith. Give it a read, and then I'll discuss why I had to kill this baby of mine.
INT. AT THE BAR
Felix confidently strolls to the bar and tries to flag the
barkeep unsuccessfully. He glances around the bar, checking
out the talent.
He sees Faith for the first time, talking to a guy looking
like a circa-1980's DON JOHNSON.
Felix and Faith make eye contact.
Felix looks away, and tries in vain to get the barkeep's
attention.
Felix looks back in the direction of Faith, and sees her
leaving Don Johnson, approaching him.
FAITH
Hi.
FELIX
Hello.
FAITH
I told that guy you were my
boyfriend and the jealous type.
Will you talk to me for a minute
until he finds someone else to
bother?
Felix smiles.
FELIX
Not sure I can do that.
FAITH
(looking around)
I'm sorry. Do you have a
girlfriend?
FELIX
No. It's just...I believe that
might technically qualify as a cock
block.
FAITH
(smiles)
So?
FELIX
So that's a clear violation of guy
code. It's in the manual.
Felix glances over at Don Johnson, who casually sips his
drink and scopes out the bar.
FELIX
And come on, he seems like a
perfectly harmless dude. No visible
deformities. And a nice bonus, he's
channeling Sonny Crockett, so-
FAITH
Who?
FELIX
That reference a little dated?
FAITH
Guess so. But you don't have to
worry. It's not a cockblock if he
never had a chance.
FELIX
Not your type?
FAITH
Not my type. And, I have a
boyfriend.
FELIX
(slightly disappointed)
Oh.
(looks around)
Why isn't he saving you from Sonny's
clutches.
FAITH
Not here. Long distance thing.
FELIX
Got it.
An awkward pause, then Felix extends his hand.
FELIX
Sorry, I never got your name. I'm
Felix.
Faith slides in close, covering up the shake.
FAITH
You're really bad at this fake
boyfriend thing.
FELIX
Right. Sorry.
Felix tosses a hard glance over at Don Johnson, who has been
watching them. Don catches the look, pretends not to
notice, and walks away. Faith turns and sees him go.
FAITH
My hero. Let me buy you a drink.
End scene. Let's talk about why I killed it.
Now, was it the best scene ever? Certainly not. But it served the beat- "Guy meets girl and they hit it off." Serving the beat, moving the story forward, that's the first task of the writer when it comes to writing scenes. But re-writing is all about making sure it serves the beat and does so in as entertaining a way as possible. So, why did it have to go? A few reasons:
To eliminate cliche. Guy meets girl in a bar. Ever seen that one before? Yawn, I know. It's been done to death. Sure, I liked the banter about the cock-blocking, and yes guys and girls do meet in bars all the time, but this scene didn't scream originality. Looking objectively at this scene, it could be plugged into any comedy-drama script, not just the one I was writing. There was nothing unique or original here that made it clearly a scene from MY story. So, it had to change.
Redundancy. About twenty pages earlier in the script, there was a much funnier scene that also takes place in a bar. Be wary of this. Especially in comics, where you can put your characters in literally any place or situation you can imagine, why be so mundane as to keep returning to similar locations? Mixing up locale makes for a better story.
Push the funny. The Don Johnson gag...it worked for some readers who read my script, not for others. While I love people still stuck in the 80's as much as the next guy, again, it's been done before, and I felt I was leaving some humor on the table. So I pushed myself to write something funnier.
So, what'd I do to fix this scene? The beat is the same, the guy and girl still meet and hit it off. But I changed the setting to something more appropriate to my story (a copy center near a comic convention) which resulted in a change in the dialogue and an addition of some of new characters. The revised scene is a more original and better serves my story.
That's all I have on re-writing. It's not easy and it's a ton of work, but remember, the difference between a good script and a great script usually comes down to the time put into it. I wish you all good luck with your rewrites. Hopefully some of these tips are helpful as you comb through your scripts and put in the effort to make them the best they can be.
NEXT: What Are You Waiting For? Take Initiative!
Tyler James is a comics creator residing in Newburyport, Massachusetts. He writes and draws Over, a romantic comedy online graphic novel updating every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. He also writes Tears of the Dragon, an epic fantasy webcomic. His work has been featured at Zuda Comics, and includes Interrogation Control Element, a political action thriller, and Super Seed, the story of the world's first super powered fertility clinic. When not making comics, Tyler works as a game designer and content producer for a software company.
Contact Tyler directly at tylerjamescomics@gmail.com, keep up with him at his blog, or follow him on Twitter.
Previous Columns
1: Big Goals
2: Resolutions
3: The Great Idea
4: Research Part I
5: Research Part II
6: The Killer Pitch Part I - The High Concept
7: The Killer Pitch Part II - The Synopsis
8: Pay Your Artists
9: Zuda Comics- A Tale of Five Submissions
10: Creating Great Characters Part I (Or Why Wolverine is Everywhere)
11: Creating Great Characters Part II (Or Why Wolverine is Everywhere)
12: Structurally Sound- The Beginning
13: Your Reputation
14: Structurally Sound- The Middle
15: Structurally Sound - The End
16: Your First Con
17: Beat It
18: Memorable Scenes
19: Mailbag
20: Comics Dialogue - Part I
21: Comics Dialogue - Part II
22: Baltimore Comic Con - Part I
23: Baltimore Comic Con - Part II
24: Is It Worth It?
25: The Re-Write Part I
26: The Re-Write Part II
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