A Word on Respect
"My wife makes me keep all my comics stuff in one room."
"My girlfriend insists I not talk about comics in front of her."
"My other half doesn't want me wasting money on comics."
We've all heard fellow comics fans say stuff like this. We've all heard complaints about the significant other who doesn't support, respect, or even accept that the person they're involved with enjoys comics. And I for one find this sad. As if comics fans have ANYTHING to be embarrassed about, or apologize for. Seriously, why do guys put up with this crap? I've met my share of unsupportive girlfriends / wives, and honestly, I can't imagine the attention/companionship/sex these women offer is really worth the grief. So today I want to talk a bit about respect and acceptance. Or more specifically, why is it so hard for norms to respect and accept they are involved with a geek? And for that matter, why do so many geeks put up with such unsupportive partners?
Now I realize this isn't a one way street. I've met guys who just didn't "get it" either, although in all fairness, these guys never felt the need to constantly rip on comics or do that whole nagging thing unsupportive girlfriends / wives are so good at.
If a person can't accept you for who you are, a comics fan, is this person really worth your time? Okay, sure...maybe she/he's super hot and makes up for it in other ways. Okay, I can see you letting a little comics hate slide, but aside for the rare case that you critted your charm roll and scored a date with someone sporting a +20 hotness, why put up with this kind of crap? Ask yourself, "Did she/he know I was a geek before we started dating?" If the answer is yes, you have NOTHING to apologize for. And this brings me to the worst thing I see from geeks paired up with unsupportive non-geeks. They apoligize. They apologize for liking comics. Like somehow this wonderful culture we comics fans have built is something to be ashamed of. I say bull!
Comics are an amazing art form, full of wonderful art and stories. Be proud of it. If your significant other disapproves, that's their problem, not yours. I am so sick of hearing the phrase "My wife/girlfriend/ won't let me..." C'mon, guys. Grow a pair. Is this your significant other you're talking about, or your mom?
Sure, having a living room full of long boxes or plastered with Emma Frost posters may not be the most aesthetically pleasing, but I'd argue that has more to do with the presentation rather than the hobby. Seriously, how is a big shelf full of DC Direct figures any worse than a menagerie full of overpriced dolls from QVC? Or commemorative plates? Or a trophy collection? Almost any collection can be displayed attractively. Like statuary. A nice glass case or curio cabinet can display your statues beautifully. And, lets face it, any comic fan can feel pride in filling a nice bookcase with graphic novels. As for floppies. I have heard many people who have come up with ways of storing them without resorting to long boxes in a closet. One person on a web board I frequent uses filing cabinets, and still others go to specially designed furniture stores that have wooden drawer boxes that are living room approved. So, you don't have to resort to "a geek room" in your house, you can spread the love throughout the house in ways that are aesthetically pleasing to the eye and will make you the envy of all your friend who do "have" to hide their hobby.
AND NOW A SPECIAL MESSAGE to all the norms out there who are dating or married to a geek...
So that special someone in your life reads comics and you don't "get it." It bothers you. You are uncomfortable with the man or woman in your life enjoying illustrated stories that are viewed by some as being immature, perverted, or nerdy. Well, my friend. You are wrong. But don't worry, I'm not writing this to turn you into a die-hard Spiderman fan... that's your boyfriend/girlfriend's job. No, I'm here to give you some helpful things to keep in mind and hopefully make your geek-relationship more plesant for everybody.
1) Comics are a legitimate art form.
Regardless of what you may think, comics are not "just for guys living in their parents basements." In fact, the smelly basement dweller is the exception not the rule. Most comic readers are of above average intelligence, make decent livings, and are generally well adjusted, successful people. Could you say the same for hardcore sports fans? Also many famous and successful people read comics - Stephen Colbert, Joss Whedon, Eminem, Quentin Tarrentino...heck, even the President. Even more to the point, many highly respected novelists, screen writers, and directors have actively sought to do comics, and not for monetary reasons, but rather for love of the medium.
2) Comics are not just "Capes and Tights."
There are many many many different types comics. Horror, romance, science fiction, humor, fantasy, non-fiction, educational. You name it, comics has it. Just click on the Comic Related main page and read a few headlines if you need convincing. Heck, if more girlfriends realized how much of a soap opera X-Men is I think Marvel's readership would double over night.
3) There are worse things your significant other could be into.
So the love of your life reads books with pictures in them. Seriously, how is this bad? It's not like they're blowing this month rent check on season tickets so they can then paint themselves blue, drive 180 miles to a stadium, and scream like madmen for seven hours in the snow while they're ripped to the gills on booze. Nor is it like they're living their entire life on a MMORP or spends their nights sacked out on the couch w/ icecream and TIVOed American Idol.
4) Comics are expensive.
This is usually the last line of contention when all else has failed. And not just from wives, but from husbands as well who don't read comics. Yes, comics can be expensive, but so can just about every other hobby known to man. That's what budgets are for. You budget your money every month so that your SO can enjoy their hobby, and you can enjoy what you like. It's that simple.
So be tolerant of your comic geek. You may not be interested in their hobby, and that's ok. Just don't put it down. Remember, you might be into something that just baffles the hell out of them. If you each treat the other with respect, I think there would be more harmony in this world.
Kat Rocha is a comic book artist currently collaborating artistically with writer/artist Josh Finney on the acclaimed sci-fi series Titanium Rain from Archaia Studio Press. She lives with her husband in San Diego, collects knives and enjoys drawing pin ups of strong, buxom women in her free time. Titanium Rain #1 will be available in the June 09 Preview.
For more information, visit www.titaniumrain.net and www.aspcomics.com
To read more of Kat's rantings, visit, http://kat-a-pult.blogspot.com
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