The Hunger Games
"If everyone loves it, it must be bad."
Review by A. "Kav" Kaviraj
You can always tell something is bad when the public loves it. The average IQ being 100, if the 'average' person likes it, and you are a bit smarter than that, well you are bound to think it stupid. Case in point-the tremendously popular 'Hunger Games'. I saw so many flaws in this film I just had to point them out:
This movie is like every teenage girl's fantasy-the poor, shy, unimportant girl finds love in her own backyard and becomes crowned the most important person in the world, saved by love. I don't have the stomach to do a plot by plot review of this sap fest so I'm just gonna hit some of the stupid highlights then try to get back to my shattered life.
So original boyfriend dude pulls some bread out of his backpack and the chick goes 'Is that REAL?' like bread is so rare that it's simply unbelievable that he has some. I suggest that if bread, one of the cheapest human foods is so incredibly rare then what are they eating? Tree bark? Dirt? They LOOK well-fed...
So chick's little sister gets picked in the lottery to be one of the 'offerings' or whatever where 28 young people get picked to all fight to the death. Chick says 'I volunteer!' to save her sister and everyone is INCREDULOUS. A VOLUNTEER? This is UNHEARD OF. It seems to me most people would volunteer to save a younger sibling-that seems to be a fairly common human trait. But what do I know? I'm not a best selling author.
So they have some machine which can project a hologram into reality. They design some pig dogs on a computer graphic thingamajig and BINGO the darn things materialize and chase the star crossed lovers. How anyone besides God can create living beings instantly-wait, even God can't create instant beings-they have to grow. So these guys have a technology greater than God? Stupid.
So the little black girl dies and her black 'district' erupts into riots? Is it cause they're black? It's not like this never happened before-in fact it happens EVERY YEAR. To each 'district'. PS why didn't a single person from HER district volunteer to save her? They were so outraged that she died they riot and proceed to get wooden shampoos from the cops but not a single person volunteered to save her in the first place?
So, this was the first time two friends from the same district refused to kill each other???? Seems like that should be fairly common. I'm also kind of wondering why they spent so much time walking through the forest like they were trying to get somewhere when there was nowhere to get to. Just find a spot to hide (there were lots of them) and chill. Stupid.
So the girl gets wounded and the parachute of mercy delivers her some insta heal ointment. But she was too pin-headed to save it when she was done with it so when her new boyfriend the bread rain guy (not the bread backpack guy-that's another guy) gets injured he's S.O.L.
Then she has to go run into the base camp of doom to get some more. Think ya can hang on to it this time, dummy? You know, in case you're injured again? And by the way why the big build up about her being a regular Green Arrow with a bow?-she used it like twice in the movie. Sheesh. There were so many plot holes in this thing Swiss Cheese makes fun of it.
Screenwriters: how to make a hugely popular movie: make it about an unimportant shy nobody chick and have her suddenly very important, with people hanging on her every word. And throw in a guy who gets wounded that she falls in love with. That's about it. The rest of the story you can just hash together-maybe make the guy a vampire or make it about some aliens who come to Earth to sell watermelons-that's not the important part.
The important part which will capture the adoration of millions-is: 1. Shy nobody chick becomes important. 2. falls in love with wounded guy. Oh yeah, and everyone is against them. I forgot that part.
A. KAVIRAJ: Kav is an artist, teacher, and biologist who lives in Sacramento, California. He is the artist forThe End of Paradise, Rapid City, and Dr Death vs The Zombie. He is the writer and artist for Dr. Death vs. The Vampire. E-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org
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